Why is my Small fighting falling asleep?

I get asked this question a lot so here’s the full falling asleep down-low for you!

When it comes to falling asleep there’s two really important things:

1. Sleep Pressure Is Super Important. Your Small can only fall asleep when their sleep pressure - when their tired tank is full. Sleep is a biological process and we can’t force them to sleep when they aren’t ready. Just as we can’t! Trying to get them to sleep when their tired tank is low and they aren’t ready can be super frustrating for both of you. You get frustrated with them because they aren’t doing what you feel they should be going. And they get frustrated with you because you’re not doing what they want. Speaking of frustration…

2. Dysregulation Makes It More Difficult. Falling asleep is easier when your Small feels calm, connected and safe. If they’re hungry, irritable, sad, cross, super overtired or emotionally uneasy it can be difficult for them to fall asleep. I’m not saying it’s impossible but it really doesn’t make it easy! Also if you’re dysregulated, which is normal, because you’re human and putting them to sleep is hard, they can pick up on this. And this can sometimes make falling asleep trickier!

Things For You To Think About

• Do their timings need a tweak?

• If they’re super grumpy and irritable before sleep they could be overtired.

• If they’re full of energy and finding it hard to fall asleep they may need more time to get their tired tank full. This is important for naps because they don’t produce any melatonin during the day and need plenty of sleep pressure to sleep.

• Is their sleep environment conducive to sleep? Is it calm, dark and as cosy as possible?

• Is there plenty of connection together in the bedtime routine?

• Are you calm and regulated? Easier said than done especially at the end of the day!

• Have they had enough time to wind down?

• Could they be hungry/thirsty?

Suggestions When Settling Is A Struggle

• Focus on your calm and your Small’s calm will likely follow.

• Go to the toilet and have a drink/snack before hand. When I was a nanny I used to put my PJs on for bedtime and I swear it helped!

• If you’ve been settling them for more than 20/30 minutes and there’s no sleep in sight, stop, take a break and try again in 20/3O minutes. Having a time limit can ease the frustration AND stops you spending your whole day/evening getting them to sleep

If you or your Small get really frustrated or upset I’d also suggest taking a break and trying again in a bit. The more dysregulated you both become the harder it becomes to fall asleep.